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I was always willing to listen to what they wanted to tell me, but I wasn’t much for asking for more.Now that I have my own 9-year-old daughter, I really appreciate how candid they were about sex.

When we got the note to get the parents’ permission to watch the movie, my mom just handed me the book.

Of course, I pretended that I had never seen it.” B.

Most of the group had stumbled on masturbation or been told about it by friends.

Oral sex seemed to have come in the moment, so to speak.

“I was in fifth grade when I officially heard about sex. I had already known about sex because I was always sneaking around looking for things.

My mom had told me, ‘Don’t go in that top drawer of my dresser.’ Underneath her lingerie were the two forbidden books, with cartoons …She was the only one in the focus group whose parents were both available to talk to her about sex.“I also learned a few things from the book ‘The Joy of Sex,’ which was on our family bookshelf.She smiled and said, “I call it ‘The last time I saw Elvis.'” We tried to come up with others, such as tying knots, twirling, ring around the rosy, but none sounded right. So I did what every modern mother does — I invited a focus group of mothers I know over for a virtual cup of coffee.Someone suggested “playing with yourself,” but I didn’t like that because it made me think of dressing up a Barbie doll. I e-mailed each of them a short questionnaire about how they learned about sex, and from whom, and a variety of other topics like masturbation, oral sex, homosexuality and orgasm.I realize now how tough it is, because you feel like so much is riding on how you deliver the information and what you say to your child.” T.

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