"I felt the capacity for my heart to love both these people," Sophie says.
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At what point did your upbringing—possibly Judeo-Christian and/or puritanical—dictate your ideals so absolutely?
For the uninitiated, consensual nonmonogamy rarely looks the same in any two situations.
She and Luke both have Tinder accounts, and they sometimes scroll through them while sitting side by side in bed, and sometimes they swipe right.
Sophie finds it much easier to find guys who are into something open, whereas Luke says women are just not as into it.
When the guy she was hoping to eventually marry broke up with her, Sophie was blindsided. Both were into something open, but they were in love, so they decided to proceed with their relationship as primary partners.
She decided she could never place all her bets on one guy again. But they could hook up with other people if they first told each other, and they had to tell potential hookups that they had a primary partner.
Sophie and Luke have rules too: They're allowed to hook up with whomever they want to, and they both prefer advance warning.
They don't like to go into too many details afterward.
And there's overlap in those definitions because that's the point: This is people making it up as they go along so that their relationships stay fulfilling. Terri Conley, Ph D, an associate professor at the University of Michigan and prominent researcher in the field of consensual nonmonogamy, has found in her research that up to 5 percent of people may be in some sort of nonmonogamous relationship.
So think fast, because whether or not you want to examine the state of monogamy in America, ignoring it may no longer be an option. (According to recent data, up to 16 percent of women and 31 percent of men may be willing to try it.) And it seems to be growing: Open Minded launched last April, and within a month, it had more than 8,500 registered users. Of those people, 75 percent are paying and active users.
Sophie, a comedian, went on a tour with some other performers and found herself hooking up with cute women following her sets.